a coherent collection of random statements regarding God, words and tunes

At the Crossroads (agin’)

Yo there.

Let’s just say there’s been a lot to reflect on lately (when there’s been time), and that as a result I’ve been running hot and cold (or adrenalized and exhausted – either works). That promises to change in about a month, but for now there’s plenty to get through. Starting from the less personal and working my way in quickly, and where it stops nobody knows….

1) As just described elsewhere, Year 1 of “the curriculum that won’t go away (but might)” is almost in the hopper. The usual QC agony appears to have been avoided this time around, and I might actually deliver this puppy a month early. Which is very good timing, given…(…and come to think of it, anyone not reading the comments section here or comments made elsewhere may not be conscious of this….)

2) We’re two-and-a-half weeks away from my oldest daughter Jessica’s wedding. With yours truly conducting the ceremony. Marion’s been doing the heavy lifting, but there’s still a lot of loose ends to be dealt with as of this writing (including an AWOL DJ). For the record, it’s gonna be done here. Yeah, nice spot. So, there’ll be several friends/family members flying in and/or staying in our home for several days….

3) …including my dad, who by all accounts is not in the greatest of health. He was diagnosed with MS about a dozen years ago, but that diagnosis has changed several times since. Truth is, they don't have a clue. (FWIW, my money’s on industrial poisoning, between working for DuPont, then Ford.)

All of which is to say: I’m acutely aware that this might be one of the last times I see my dad. He's coming up on 70, after all. Granted, I’ve probably seen him only a couple dozen times since age 7 (although most of the later ones have been week-long visits, give or take), but still….

I suspect more processing of this will come, post-wedding and depending on what shape I actually find him to be in, but in the meantime….

4) Sort of on that note, the Hegger note from tim on Friday threw me for a bit of a loop, too. And as noted in the comments, arguably more for reasons other than just Mike.

But still, I’ve got the most provenance of any Envelope, being that Mike & I first met in high school. Mike was a skinny, hyper, good-looking guy with a bad complexion and blond “wake-up” hair (he’d’ve fit in pretty well with The Police, come to think of it). We were in our first band together with Mark Kitzie, a generally good but stubborn guy whose Jimi/Thin Lizzy fetish finally proved too much for us (Mark may, in fact, have been the world's first "whigger"), while I was discovering punk and plenty before and beyond it. To be fair, Mark did try to accommodate us, but I was flying too far down the road to turn back.

So when Rick’s cousin/my best friend’s girl Annette (who all of us were in love with at one point or another -- I submit as evidence the Envelopes classic "St. Anne"; and heck, I'm pretty sure we could throw Rick in there too if it wasn't for the law of the land) said, “My cousin Ricky is looking for a bass player,” and Rick and I immediately hit it off (XTC's Drums and Wires hit my ears for the first time from Rick's car cassette that evening, and when  I compared the lyrical content of "Making Plans for Nigel" to Sparks' "Talent Is an Asset" (albeit, Nigel was no Einstein), we were off and running...) even before we arrived at tim’s apartment and the deal was sealed…. well, it didn’t take much.

And when I asked, “So, could you guys use a Keith Moon-style drummer too?”… it didn’t take them much, either. And yet, I had no idea what Mike’s reaction would be, so I took a long walk with his girlfriend Laura – who in the past couple years had gone from antagonist to crazy-close friend -- and asked her what she thought. And Mark – who also could be quite the sexist pig – asked when we got back, “So, how was she?” I smiled gently at Laura then growled at Mark, “She was great.” (As with most momentous occasions in my life, I was the last to know what was happening. And yet in successive months after this Mike would throw an ashtray at Laura’s head and they’d break up; once she wasn’t around and/or Mike was no longer a filter, it would dawn on me what I’d actually been feeling for quite some time and fessed up as quickly as possible; we’d be sneaking around behind her new boyfriend's/Mike’s business partner’s back, and for that matter Mike’s; and it would all implode badly and repeatedly; rinse and repeat the last step for several months, and arguably years, thereafter.)

Anyway, bottom line: Mark showed up in Mike's basement for the next practice, and all our equipment was already in Rick's business studio/loft. Yeah, that was a lovely evening. Granted, we'd brought it on ourselves. And didn't regret that decision, at least.

A lot happened that year – gigs at CBGBs, The Show Place, Ramapo College, etc.; several love triangles, including the aforementioned; way too many chemicals of every kind, including speed addictions for at least two of us (and very arguably all four of us); one suicide attempt (tim) and another damn close one (I had the pills in my hand -- 'cause I was determined to make my heart break physically, too -- and after reading all this do you have any wonder why?).

And John Lennon getting gunned down right in the middle of it all, too. Hey, it fits with everything else here, don’t it now?

And thus, the Envelopes broke up for the first time on the same day we first got together – June 8.

The date of Jessica & Dave's wedding.

Go figure.

I plan on that being the last day I'm on this earth, too, but not until 2049. Put it on yr calendars now.

So yeah, a lot has been coming back to me this weekend.

Mike & I somehow got past all that (part of it because I saw it all play out again before my eyes, this time as a bystander, with another future love interest and a friend of hers who got equally if not more obsessed/suicidal over her, and brother that’s saying something – at which point the light went on and I drove to Mike’s, apologized profusely and shared a joint together – hey, that’s how we did reconciliation in the B.C. days. And yes, I did put myself through a lot of crap before I found Marion – why do you ask?).

For another decade, we’d play together with Rick (as the Librarians) and sometimes also with tim (as Tension Envelopes, the Drunken Cowboys, 23 Williams, etc. – we were very fond of reinventing ourselves for awhile there), before his own issues overtook him/fortunately drove him to Colorado a dozen years before I got here myself (even if he doesn’t always see it that way some days).

I remember one particular run-in with Mike & his extremely vapid fiancé (who later dumped him over his increasing alcoholism), whom I once referred to privately as…. Well, suffice to say, it got back to him and they dropped by on a practice with me & tim & Rick & some drummer I can't even remember and said, “Hi – I’m Ken, and this is Barbie.” To which I immediately and fortuitously replied, “And you’re pissed off, and I’m sorry.” Any other reply and he probably would have thrown me out of the second-story loft we practiced in (and we were sitting next to the open loading-dock doors, so it’d’ve been easy enough). Instead, he banged the crap out of the other guy’s drum set for about an hour or so (& no, we weren’t playing along) and left.

And yeah, we eventually got past that, too. When we finally parted ways, we didn’t even know it’d be the last time. We played a couple gigs as The Librarians at Jiggs’ in Butler, NJ, and after the last time we simply didn’t get together again. My job, and my responsibilities as a parent – actually/honestly, my job, as I was literally working two positions simultaneously as managing editor/personal assistant to the publisher, to considerable detriment to our marriage/parenthood (but we survived that, too) – just didn’t allow for it.

Mike could be a VERY funny, very passionate guy. He WAS a drummer, after all. I'm hoping tim can still remember Mike's classic rant at his friend Chris Budde about the Envelopes' ship getting ready to leave the harbor, culminating with "And you'd better get on BOARD -- otherwise you'll be stuck on the dock with your raisins, rice -- AND RYE!!!!" (If y'r from the era, you'll appreciate the reference. If not, you'll have to take my word for it that it was DAMN funny.) He also had his demons -- especially not being able to get past his dad's death as a teenager. Boy definitely had his anger issues, if the aforementioned ashtray incident hadn't already tipped you off.

I’d heard word that Mike wound up in rehab, but I don’t know what happened and what didn’t. I hope his last decade of life was better, despite how it ended. Maybe that part of the story will come out in time, too.

Funny that this’d be the longest part. Probably ‘cause I haven’t really had time to process/refine all this, as opposed to all the other matters going on….

5) …. one of which hopefully gets resolved tomorrow. All I’ll say about it is that involves going to court in Denver to resolve a months-long issue, one of our family is the plaintiff, and we really thought this would be over a couple weeks ago, before their scum lawyer asked for a delay of trial after making us sit there for three hours. That delay is finally over, at least. We think. We've been told this by the DA, anyway. After last time, it’s hard to believe it. We’re all kind of emotionally exhausted, though, so we really hope and pray it is.

6) And then three days after the wedding, Amy leaves for Romania for her two-month missions trip. So, once we get past two more days of that travel anxiety….

7) …we’re empty-nesters. For two months, anyway. But a year from now it’ll be the real thing. Hopefully we’ll have fun practicing in the meantime.  So there IS light at the end of this rather long tunnel.

8) And ah yes, the behind-the-scenes curriculum/splinter small group – it’s gone well. We’ve proven it works, and we all like each other, so I’m pretty sure we’ll be getting together socially during the summer and picking up again with the more "official" small-group stuff in the fall. Whether it's more quarters of this curriculum or something else is almost beside the point. I'm just happy how it's gone.

And the high-to-middle-management support here for the actual product continues to roll forward; now we need someone responsible for approving a business plan to feel the same way. Those of us pulling for it are hoping for 2009. If it does happen, that’d be the right time, from both a business and a “here’s what the church wants and needs, so are we gonna catch the wave or what?” standpoint.

And with that (ahem) other curriculum just about done for Year 1 anyway, I ought to be able to start dedicating time to writing again. Yeah, that’d be good.

Maybe we get to music next time. Dunno whether that'll be pre- or post-wedding. But that’s pretty much where things are at. Thanks for letting me vent. As if you had a choice.

Posted by: burninglight at 19:03 | link | comments (15)

Comments:

#1  21 May 2008 - 11:36

 

2) We’re two-and-a-half weeks away from my oldest daughter Jessica’s wedding. With yours truly conducting the ceremony.

congrats carl. i don't think i knew about this. my wife's dad did our wedding, in my parent's back yard. i wouldn't have had it any other way.

larryl

#2  21 May 2008 - 14:54

 

I'd mentioned it awhile back on "the Pukeboard" :P to chirping crickets, so I let it die there. It was on a couple threads throughout mo'time, too, but probably before you got here. Anyway, thanks.

And re: #5: ANOTHER continuance. Probably until September now. Aargh.

Anonymous

#3  21 May 2008 - 17:52

 

Yo Carl, prayers for your father, and for your busy and transitional life.

I will probably be the worst empty-nester of all, so I can really feel for you on that one.

Man, all of your drama with your band makes the crap we've been through on these message boards look like nothing. :-D

Did you and Bynres ever get in a fight, or did you guys always manage to get along? If you ever did get in a fight, please do not spare any gory details. ;-)

Jim

LDVoyager

#4  21 May 2008 - 18:01

 

Tim & Mike were the main culprits on that count. You'd have to ask tim if it ever came to blows, but they fought a LOT.

Rick got along with everyone, 1) 'cause he really was a sweet guy, and 2) he hated conflict. And did I forget to mention HIS parents were getting divorced in the middle of all this?

Me, I'd snap at the first two to shut the **** up and/or get over themselves, but that's about it. Besides, I had plenty of other drama on the side, as already noted.

By the end of that first year, though, I was close; heck, even RICK was close -- and surprisingly, HE was the one who quit first. :D

Yeah, LOTS and LOTS of drama...

burninglight

#5  21 May 2008 - 18:11

 

So it almost seems as if Tim is not happy unless he's fighting with someone.

Well, that explains everything. :-D

But seriously folks, would you say that the art suffered from all the tension, or is there anything in your catalog where you can say "Hey, you know if we weren't fighting like that, this song wouldn't have turned out as good?"

Jim

LDVoyager

#6  21 May 2008 - 18:33

 

I think that explains MOST of the catalog, actually. :D

burninglight

#7  21 May 2008 - 18:45

 

OK, for real: I think it's a BIG reason why "Slamming Door Repeats" was our signature song. It's about a broken heart and all of us had one.

"Danny Miller" and "Car Actor Actor" were particularly good anger vehicles, too.

And then there was that classic concert-only staple that we only broke out when we were pissed off at everyone and wanted to return the favor, which consisted of playing an E for 10 minutes or so, while tim delivered the simple but to-the-point lyrics, "Kill all the niggers / Kill all the Jews / Kill all the niggers / 'Fo' they piss on YOU." :o

Although once Rick shared about this song at a party and a gang of skinheads seemed WAY too interested in the lyrical content, we never played it again. :D

burninglight

#8  21 May 2008 - 23:59

 

"And then there was that classic concert-only staple that we only broke out when we were pissed off at everyone and wanted to return the favor, which consisted of playing an E for 10 minutes or so, while tim delivered the simple but to-the-point lyrics, 'Kill all the niggers / Kill all the Jews / Kill all the niggers / 'Fo' they piss on YOU'".


Hmmm, so why is it that Tim now wants to attribute those sentiments to MY politics for some reason? :-b

Jim

LDVoyager

#9  22 May 2008 - 00:05

 

There's irony, and then there's attribution. :P

burninglight

#10  22 May 2008 - 00:41

 

He forgot to mention gays in the lyric. Right-wingers like me hate all gays as well. We want them all to die. :-D

Jim

LDVoyager

#11  22 May 2008 - 00:42

 

Oh yeah, and women; we hate all women too, unless they're nothing but slave homemakers.

Jim

LDVoyager

#12  22 May 2008 - 13:47

 

Well, there WAS also "Hit 'Dat Woman in Da' Head Wit' a Fish (Named Henry)" :D

burninglight

#13  12 June 2008 - 17:45

 

Tim here. The 'Kill all the...." song did mention gays "Kill all the faggotts cause they spend too much time giving head" and the key line, which has been omitted here was 'Kill all the people who don't think like you'. It was a political statement that as usual was misinterpreted. 'Born in the USA' anyone?

The Envelope material was mainly written by me so of course it was angry. My art is an expression of my anger 'cause who really cares if I'm happy. That's not interesting. But what I hate, well..... that could fill books or at least set lists.

"Art is meant to disturb, not entertain" said the Chilean director Costa-Gravas in an old Rolling Stone once and it's become sort of a credo. And I, sir, am an artist, NOT an entertainer.

Besides I sometime judge the success of my work by thew type of folks it pisses off. Which might explain why this songwriting/guitar playing GENIUS is selling cigarettes to hillbillies for minimum wage but know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.
tb

Anonymous

#14  12 June 2008 - 19:25

 

I didn't remember the "head" line, but I do remember the "don't think like you" line, come to think of it. Of course, I was more focused on the shock-value, um, value of the song here. :D

Anonymous

#15  16 June 2008 - 02:38

 

Hey, since everything is being attributed to "art" here, can I just write off all of my offensive posts to "art" as well? :-b

Jim

LDVoyager

Comments: