Burning Light

April 2 2007

The End of the Longest Winter?
(or: Intermezzo, Part III?)

I dunno. I'd love to say I'm out of the woods in a number of ways because I can see the clearing, but if you've ever hiked a mountain and thought you were near the summit, you know how deceptive that can be.

Anyway, this isn't really the physical winter we're talking about -- although by all accounts this was the worst winter Colorado's seen in a few decades. At the same time, it was the equivalent of a normal Jersey winter, so while frustrating it wasn't personally unprecedented. (All I have to do is think of '96-'97, when I lived in Franklin Boro, NJ and commuted to New Windsor, NY [JUST below Newburgh -- an hour's drive on a good day] during a 100-inch winter including ice storms.... yeah, no competition.)

And anyway, Spring started in late February here, so despite a really tough two weeks during the holidays that took almost two months to melt off (and suffice to say Colorado's a lot more lax in taking care of any non-principal roads), no real complaints.

No, I'm really talking about the emotional distance from the middle of last winter to the end of this one. From the tumultuous adjustments to moving here and finally starting to adjust to a new job/land/life to wham! my mom dying last February and all the b.s. and probate that Jersey and that old life could offer, to almost immediately going to housing my brother-in-law and his issues for 4 1/2 months (which really all in all, wasn't any worse than I personally expected but worse than anyone else in our family expected and stressful enough, in any case).... in short, with no emotional or physical down time whatsoever since arriving here....

Anyway, since it's been awhile, and I keep waiting for proof of a turning that hasn't quite yet arrived (but hasn't been shot down in flames, either), here goes.... well, whatever.... it's time for this groundhog to see if his shadow's there....

Reasons That Spring Is Finally Here....

1) Did you just read the above?

2) Spiritual condition still weakened but improving. Heck, even got to lead that men's group I've been going to last week (by default, but nonetheless...) When I automatically kicked off our prayer time with the words, "OK, let's rumble..." I simultaneously smiled to myself, and realized how long it's been since I've used those words. Likewise, am still kind of accepting of where I'm at and trying not to force things (see also here). Although I have dropped a line to my old district superintendent, who's now charge of church ministries for the entire denomination (and thus in Colorado Springs instead of Jersey, as well); whether anything comes of that remains to be seen....

3) Work has been routine but has given me a chance to catch my breath. Now I look like an overachiever, which beats feeling underwater. Sounds like some interesting doings are in the pipeline, and (again) by default I've sort of become the adult curriculum ""expert"" here. (I think it appropriate to put even the quotes in quotes, in this case. )

4) Oddly enough, the strongest indicator may have been a business trip I took to southern California a couple weeks ago. (BTW, I've come to the conclusion that SoCal is basically Jersey in denial, and/or with palm trees.) I'm not sure why -- maybe because I had some alone time and really just wanted to get back home -- but there's this feeling that something kind of "popped" and I can start moving on.... and since my gut usually has a clue long before my brain does, I choose to believe there's something to that.

Reasons I'd Better Just Hold My Stinkin' Horses....

1) Did you just read the above?

I recall a phrase I used during another extended period of limbo awhile back: "God will do what God will do." And that's where I remain. But in the meantime, at least you have some pale representation of what that looks like.

Until next time.... which likely will re-introduce something musical...